Friday, December 23, 2005

"This is my wife, she is hilarious, Erin say something funny. . ."

When I thought about my topic d'jour on my walk to the train, I didn't intend to pick on my wife, it's just she complains of the very thing I'm about to comment on. The topic today is expectations, can you say expectations? Very good, have a cookie. (I think my site tracker tool will be the one providing your session cookie today :)

Erin is hilarious, she really is, but her comedy is very situational, she doesn't have a repository of jokes ready to call up and amuse, but when the situation is right she will have you in stitches. Don't get me wrong, its not that she doesn't have jokes in the traditional sense (I'm so about to end up sleeping on the sofa) but her repertoire includes:

Q: What is Brown and Sticky
*dramatic pause*
A: A stick

This is probably only topped by Scott Kurtz of PVP bad strip in his upcoming 25th book.

This isn't to say Erin is dull most of the time, far from it, she can usually make most situations funny, the only time she runs a fowl of the comedy duck is when she is explicitly asked to be funny.

Who wouldn't be intimidated by such a build up, what she really needs is a story like this to carry straight from the 'Be funny' comment into being funny. Honey I recommended you tell the story about the time I wrote a blog entry on the subject and then you kicked my ass (okay, I might have redeemed myself from the sofa tonight. :)

Well that was a pretty big build up, and where does it get me? Well recently I apparently set the bar high for blogging, insofar as my sister was concerned. The discussion from there got very waxy, but it left me in a posting pickle. Now that I am a blogger of asperatable (Is there a good word that is a conjugation of aspire which means one who has character to which one would aspire too? I'm sure there is an entirely different word all together, but Newspeak demands a double-minus number of words, so I want to double-plus conjugate! (Okay I am really really really digressing.)

(There is a thought, a line graph going through a post of topic threads that lets you ignore my tangents. I wonder if such a graphing algorithm could be produced, and if I could sell the art derived from the graphing of my personal blog as a form of income?)

So boggling for a topic that would meet the standards of my literary critics, I will admit to floundering, so I offer this copout, an entire entry on me copping out :)

Hmmm I seem to have reached a climax, and I'm not sure where to go from here, dammit!

Well how about I talk about my attempts to steal traffic? So I have posted what half-a-dozen times in the last 24 hours? Maybe less, not sure, but most of those posts were done with the add of I will admit there was a multifaceted purpose in this.

First and foremost I blog things that are interesting to me, while it is sometimes a little ADD it is also just sort of how I use my blog. I'm like hey that is interesting, then I write an article about "hey this is interesting."

Secondly, I am trying to drive traffic to my blog? Why, I don't really know, it is mildly ego stroking to have traffic read my tripe, so to encourage the reading of said tripe, I post about what s hip/popular/current (Also known, as of now as Hipocur, famed land mammalian predecessor of the Hippo, well known for enjoying the New York Times editorial cartoon) in the news. The theory here is that other people are also interested in what is hipocur. The "people" will search for this mythical beast on google, and what will they find, but my inane blathering. There is a secondary effect which makes me crack up, and that is using my traffic tracker to find out exactly how people got to my site and the search terms they used. Man people find my place by accident more then on purpose, as noted in my Araska entry many moons ago. While I am rambling about effects, the other thing that makes me laugh is reading the ads google has added to my page. Most people don't see them because they are way down at the bottom, but everyone in a while google sticks something bizarre in there. *meta*Topic refocus re tangential art comment, see above*/meta*

Third, I'm trying to increase my google page rank (also for some form of self aggrandizement.) This is actually pretty easy to accomplish, simply get references from sites that have a high page rank, and then you get a high page rank. How do I get said links? A couple ways, put my URL in any forum signatures I may use, and use crazy link back mechanisms when I blog. "What you say? ...make your Time Ha Ha Ha" What I say is that I use a site like Digg, with high page rank and a lot of traffic, to get my stories of interest, and instead of just posting the stories of interest, I use the "blog this" command to post. That gets me 1) something I am interested in, 2) something popular that someone might search for, 3) A link saying "this guy blogged this story here" from a popular site. It is so evil it just might work. :)

Well I have wasted too much of everyone's times, and it is nearly Christmas, which means, Food, food, food, presents, food, presents, food, cottage (important emphasis on the last one, because that is when I get to decompress from December, which is a month I often handle poorly, this one being no exception.)

So if you don't hear from me, it is because I am at the cottage, and quietly enjoying myself. So Merry Christmas all, and Happy Chanukah! Have I mentioned I get to double dip on holidays?

ps kitten is doing great, the Christmas could use a little less attention from the kitten. Pictures to follow, but for a brief synopsis, kitten vs tree resulted in all the ornaments in the lower half of the tree relocating to the upper half of the tree. Note this does not prevent kitten access to them, but it seems to slow the rate at which ornaments are detached from the tree. Except tinsel, that stuff leaps from the kitten's path.

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