Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Lokitron 2000 Purbott Sleep Optimization System

Getting too much sleep? Not enough fur in your bed? The absence of low frequency grunty vibrations getting you down? Fear not, for every problem there is a solution, and for this problem we offer you the latest in the Catbott(tm) series of robots. Each Lokitron is equipped with an accurate chronograph, and sleep heuristic to determine the optimal amount of sleep that you require. The Lokitron is also equipped with a soothing purr based progressive alarm system. Wake up is initiated with a low rumbling, followed by some vocalizations:
"Its Fourrrrrrrr am, play rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"
Vocalizations escalate if until the Lokitron is satisfied by your state of alertness.
"Plaaaaaaayyyyy, rrrrrrr, PLAAAAYYYYYYYY rrrrrrrrrr"
The tertiary alarm system involves a soothing klaxon to alert deeper sleepers of there impending over sleep.

The final phase of the alarm system is a therapeutic acupuncture system, through skill manipulations certified by the AAMA you are gently brought to an awake and refreshed state.

As an added feature, unlike conventional alarms that allow overriding, the Lokitron assures an awakened state with the absence of a snooze button. While escalation to the highest states of alarm can be staved off with a leather toy mouse, all other attempts to silence the device are met with a renewed vigor, and alarm escalation.

If you doubt the efficacy of our product, don't believe us, believe our satisfied customers:
- Erin Westman
Looooooookkkkkkiiiiiiiii, beeeee quiet, its not even light out.
-Geoff Peart
uuunnnnnngggggggggg, cooooofffffffeeeeeeeeee.
-Aslan Westman
Unnnnnnnngggggggggg, BRRAAAAIIINNNNS.
-Office Zombie Ted

For more information regarding the fine product, and many more contact ACME Inc.
Post a Comment